There it was. It finally showed itself…
It was a full apparition, and it was waiting for me, and in fact by the looks of it, anticipating seeing me in between the houses, meaning our house and the neighbor’s. I wasn’t really surprised, because I had been having these feelings all week, that I was being watched. I had been seeing the shadows, the flashes of movement. I even felt comfortable with the pattern on its foggy, plaid shirt. The eyes, though. The eyes were very clear, and very familiar.
With a little hesitation, and a nominal amount of fear, I might add, I moved towards it, planning on just going on, and getting into the house. As I approached, the eyes grew more focused, more intense towards me. I walked right by, mumbling under my breath, “Just leave me alone.”
As I walked up to the “form”, it spoke to me. It tried, I should say. I could see the jaw line moving. Those shark-like eyes followed me, daring me to look back. The jaws kept moving, kept ranting towards me, but I still couldn’t hear what I was supposed to hear.
I walked right by, telling myself that it was my imagination. After all, it had been a very difficult week, and sleep was not on the “to do” list any of the past few days. Through the gate to the back yard, a good twelve steps to the deck, and then up the stairs, across the cedar deck boards, to the back door.
The feeling was strong, that if I simply turned around, the apparition would be there, still talking, still persistently attempting to communicate with me. The dogs confirmed my suspicions. They were constantly growling, barking in my direction, but not looking directly at me. They were looking behind me, or perhaps through me. “Quiet” I demanded. They stopped momentarily, but just as quickly started up again, growling, whining, and barking while stepping towards me, then back again.
I didn’t hesitate. Looking forward, I put my key into the lock, and opened the back door into my home. The dogs ran right through me, and outside in a flash, and as they did I went in, tuned and closed the door.
The dogs took a couple of steps out on the deck, then immediately turned back and started barking and snarling in my direction once again. They scratched on the door wanting desperately to get in. Without even getting a chance to set my things down, I jerked around and looked over my shoulder in time to see……
Yes, nothing. “What the hell is happening?’ I asked myself. I looked outside, and the dogs were normal. They were just happy to be out, running, playing, and jumping around with each other like normal.
Relieved, I sat at the kitchen table to try to figure out what had just happened.
It was then that I felt the temperature change. Just on the back of my neck. It was warm, and very humid. It was definitely someone or something’s breath. The stench brought about thoughts of mildew, or standing water. In a flurry of activity, I slid out of the chair, staying hunched over. I turned to see the figure standing over me, but now with a more menacing look on its face. The eyes were furious and determined, the veins protruding in the temples of the forehead, and most strikingly, the bottom jaw was sculpted and unhinged, protruding forward, and moving up and down in a way that meant that whatever it was trying to say was very important. Extremely important. Most important.
And yet, I heard nothing.
I looked into those familiar eyes, and they were focused, so focused. The apparition was struggling, trying so hard, using so much energy to tell me something important, but because of my limitations, I could not understand. I was no longer afraid. I wanted to know, wanted to know what it was trying to tell me.
The figure became increasingly frustrated at my inability to understand. It was angry, and conveyed that perfectly, with no verbal communication needed. I felt so inadequate at the time, but that didn’t match my feeling of remorse, for not being able to understand or even begin to try to guess what the whole point of this was. Frustration set in on both of us, and in an instant I yelled out, “Just leave me the hell alone”!
We stared at each other, motionless, and those familiar eyes looked directly at me, deep into me, directly into my soul. It’s jaw line receded, and the figure backed up, seemingly upright. The eyes went from being direct and demanding to translucent and empty.
Those eyes, those black, lifeless eyes, now appeared sad and lost. I swallowed hard, realizing what was happening. The form, once strong and intimidating, now was fading away, with a look of sadness replacing the confidence and arrogance that it initially demonstrated.
I felt immediate panic. Something felt very wrong. “I can’t hear you”, I yelled. “What are you trying to say?”
It tried once more, with no success. As quick as the apparition appeared, it was then gone.
It had tried with all available resources to communicate with me, with no success. I felt at fault. I was the one with the shortcomings.
This memory has stayed with me, and I think about it daily. Those penetrating eyes, the determined actions, and the stench of the humid breath on the back of my neck are all fresh memories, as fresh as the day they happened. And I can do nothing but wait. Wait for that moment or event that has yet to happen, that moment or event that my visitor was attempting to inform me about. I don’t know when that will be, but I’m sure I’ll recognize it when it occurs. And it will be important. Very Important. Extremely important. Most important.